Rite 02 · Before it's even fixed
The families meet
Once the stars agree, the families meet — to take the measure of one another. Once it was the elders alone; now, more and more, the couple sit and talk first.
The whole weddingDekha-Dekhi · देखा-देखीDraft
Rite 02 of 19Known locally as
Dekha-Dekhi
/ de·kha de·khi / देखा-देखी
the seeing — the first formal meeting of the two families, to take the measure of one another before anything is promised.
What it is
The first formal meeting of the two families — a visit, a shared meal, an exchange of words and worth — to see whether the houses, and not only the couple, are a match.
Why it's done
In the hills a wedding joins two families, not two people; their trust in one another matters as much as the couple's. This is where it begins.
How it unfolds
It takes whatever form the families like — elders meeting over tea, a meal at a neutral home, and increasingly the bride and groom given time to speak for themselves first.
Who needs to be there
Both families — and, more and more, the couple themselves.
What's special — and how we keep it
How this happens has changed more than almost anything else — from a match the couple barely glimpsed, to one they now largely choose. We've watched it shift within a single generation.
Her side, and his
The bride's side
Her family receive, or are received, and judge the groom's house as much as the groom.
The groom's side
His do the same — each side quietly asking whether these are people they can call their own.